based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
