My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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