They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
