i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
