you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
