If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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