I have demons in me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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