Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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