Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
