Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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