there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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