she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
