I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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