i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
