There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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