I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Michael Bay diarrhea
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
