remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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