you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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