btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
