I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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