and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
