you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
