did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
