xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Couch. On fire.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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