she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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