the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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