loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
