I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
