he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
