He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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