Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
