why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
