1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
