Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
