I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
