I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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