so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
