You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
