1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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