He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
