FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Two words: nipple clamps
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