Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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