Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
