week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
