The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
