Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize