Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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