is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
