you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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