YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I could make wine with my vomit
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
