remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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