Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
