My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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