plz talk dirty to me
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
