Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
