You're my little dorito
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am puke
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
