there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
