he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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