Someone shit on the floor
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize