I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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