haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize