return my video game
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
