I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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