It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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