Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
