Someone shit on the floor
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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