yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I will die if light touches me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
