I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
