pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
