So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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