haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
wat bout pragnant strippers??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
