She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
