I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will be naked everywhere
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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