Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
