I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
