I love black thongs
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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