You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
