His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
