Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
