was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
