omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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