don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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