Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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