i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
