i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to sanitize my soul.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
