Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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