and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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