Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
