i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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