remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i dont even know how to be here
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
