Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
