If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
