3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
