I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
