I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
