i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
