wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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