smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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