Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
